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That was a very good beginning. Her first husband, and father of her three children, had been violent. The second one I married because I wanted to give my children a stable upbringing, but he turned out to be an alcoholic, and 10 years later he died.

I met another chap, who swept me off my feet, but he turned out to be so controlling, it was horrendous. I was on the verge of a breakdown and, after eight years, I left.

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She was 63, and he was a year older; they married after 18 months. Did she think, after three marriages with such unsuitable men, she would ever find a loving relationship? I used to think, if you've not learned your lesson by now, my dear, you never will. I regret the wasted time, but I wouldn't have found Bill if I hadn't gone through it. My lovely husband showed immense courage in taking me on, he was patience personified and he propped me up when I needed it.

Get on with it; you're only here once. I got through it and we're as happy as larks now. We can get a bit stuck in a timewarp stylewise.

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Even something such as going to a department store and getting one of the makeup girls to refresh your look, or having a hair cut or buying a new outfit will help boost your confidence. Use books or look on the internet. Turn on your dating antennae and realise your new partner could be someone you already know — someone you chat to at work or on the train, perhaps.

And don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately. Finding a new relationship is like applying for a new job: It's good to have three non-negotiable must-haves in a potential partner, three would-likes, and three items on an ideal-world wish-list.

Looking to connect with great Charlotte singles? We can help

They can be anything — looks, a sense of humour, a shared interest — but only you can decide if they are non-negotiable or not. Jo Hemmings is a behavioural psychologist and relationship coach johemmings.

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Charlotte de la Pena, 34, London The date appeared to be going so well. Topics Divorce Everything you need to know about divorce. Order by newest oldest recommendations. Show 25 25 50 All. Threads collapsed expanded unthreaded.

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